countryroadprimitives: July 2009

Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Web

Before you even realize what is happening, your abuser is manipulating you, controlling you and breaking down your self esteem. Your abuser could be your husband, wife, grandparent, guardian, boyfriend, girlfriend, older sibling... anyone in your life that is hurting you could possibly be an abuser.

Charlie had many issues from childhood that were unresolved and still are unresolved. He was abused and I truly believe that if you are with someone that has been deeply hurt and or abused, they have the potential to abuse you, especially if you are a submissive or passive person. Your kindness is seen as a weakness and they will be able to zero in on what makes you tick and what they can do to break you down, continuously and gradually, without you even knowing that it is happening.

Some, as Charlie did, begin to try to remove you from what you are familiar with and from the people that love you and have been in your life for you. They want you out of your safety zone and into their own web where they can shut you off from people that may try to influence you and be there for you to possibly get you out of your relationship with them.

Charlie had the ability to make me feel on top of the world one moment and the next so low that I would cry in silence. No matter what you do, you cannot please them. You can have an immaculate home, most professional looking landscape, dinner on the table, looking like you just stepped off a magazine cover, and they will find something to pick about or dig at you for not doing right or for not doing at all. An abuser is never happy. They are never happy or appreciative of you or what you do. They only want to control you and hurt you because when they succeed in doing so, they somehow feel that they are overcoming their own pain and hurt. To see you hurt, makes them feel better and even successful within themselves.

Why do you continue to stay in your situation? Are you financially stuck because you have been a stay at home mom for your children and you have no job, no sitter, no one there for you? Do you feel that the person you are with is going to change? Do you believe them when they tell you that you are all that they have and all they ever wanted? Do they have a way of making you feel more loved than you have ever been loved, even though they continue to chip your heart away and shut you down? Do you feel that they are the only person that you can have a relationship with? Are you afraid to leave them for fear worse will happen to you? Is it possible that you can say yes to all of the above? YOU ARE NOT ALONE and this is a situation that is so much more common than you think!

People that are being abused usually do not open up and tell others what they are experiencing. You feel as though you deserve it because the person you are with manipulates your mind into thinking that you could have gone to the store to get the milk you forgot or that the dishes in the dishwasher should have been put away... however they convey to you in their own way, an abuser is able to make you feel that you deserved what you received, whether it be verbal abuse, mental abuse or physical abuse. NO ONE DESERVES ABUSE.

Do not let anyone make you feel that you are less than a person. Are you embarrassed because you are abused? Are you ashamed and afraid of how others may view YOU? Is the church you are going to telling you that divorce is the wrong thing, not biblical? God made all of us and God does not want us to suffer or be abused. He does not want us to stay in a situation that hurts us in anyway. Our God is a forgiving God and above all, God knows our heart and God sees everything, feels everything and will help those who ask for His help.

Think about yourself. Forgive yourself. LOVE yourself.